procrastination

okie dokie artichokies! so, within the next few days hopefully I'll have something for you guys, it may just be pictures I don't know. But I also want to post some pictures of these amazing clothes I got from Hot Topic....the one in my town just closed Christmas Eve, and they had mad sales going on. 75% off CLEARANCE!! I bought a hat for $2, two shorts, one for $3 and $4 (I believe), and a dress for like $5!!! And then for Christmas I got two t-shirts, another hat, and a jean vest. I'll probably show you guys everything except the shirts, because they're pretty basic. I love them, they're so cute, but again, pretty basic.
Oooo I can't wait until summer so I can wear them! I'm so excited! Shorty short destroyed jean shorts with studs (kill me!), leopard short shorts (ahhhh!), cute little jean vest and a dress with giraffes on it (glory glory hallelujah!). I can picture the outfits in my head but, I may google certain articles of clothing I'm imagining this stuff with. Eeep! I'm excited. They're so cute!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I love new clothes!

get down to business

Alrighty....I'm a (wo)man of my word. I said this is going to be a beauty blog, therefore, this is going to be a beauty blog.....
Now, I don't have a video camera. So I'll either be scrounging around for better lighting for my webcam, taking pictures and posting those (I HATE those, but it may happen), or using my iPad. We'll test all the waters.
So my dearest imaginary readers, here are some things you can look forward too. I've already created some of these looks, just haven't had any of them documented.
I found a blog entry talking about Kristen Stewart's make up (whose I love love love! Always always always!) This particular one was on this shimmery darkish gray color with a dark brown that she wore for her Seventeen Magazine shoot. I love this!!!

isn't it so pretty? This works really well for green eyes, but hey, any eye color would look fine. I did this once really fast, and I have a blue/green/grey eye color, and it made my eyes look green. Love it!!

This next one is another Kristen Stewart inspired one I found on my most favorite blog/youtube, MakeupGeek. They called it Cranberry Smoke and it is GORGEOUS!

I love the burgundy wine color. Ah, it's just beautiful!

For my winter formal of my Junior year, I wore a plain light cream yellow dress, and went nuts on the accessories and makeup. Ok, so I really only had on one necklace, but it was huge! And made of (Claire's) diamonds! I love it, I'll probably never wear it again because it's so huge and gaudy, but I can't part with it. Anyway, for my makeup I did Michelle Phan's look called Aurora eyes. Here it is:

Awesome huh? Not a fan of the eyes, but I loved the look. I had to go out and buy that teal/aqua color, I bought CoverGirl's....something or other, I'm not going to go look up the title for you, sorry. Anyway, I loved the way the teal and purple looked together, so I figured I'd do a look with those two :) Then I found later on that Marlena from MakeupGeek did basically the same look. My initial thought was, "Seriously? For real? Come on! Hey people praising this look, I can do it too!!" Once I got over that immature, competitive thought I realized, "Hey, I just came up with the same look that a famous makeup artist did!" Cue Vegas slot machine victory music! So, I'll share that look with you someday, but here's Marlena's:

Our's looks exactly the same :) Hehe, how awesome?!

Now, I'm dying to see this movie, it's an oldie but I really wanna watch Velvet Goldmine. It's from the late 90s, kinda based on David Bowie and all that glam rock stuff, so it's probably amazing. I also have this cute, girly obsession with Jonathan Rhys Meyers, and he's in it. So now I'm completely validated, borderline obligated to watch this movie.
Anyway, I heard about this when I stumbled across a clip from the movie on youtube. It's the scene wear JRM, excuse me, Brian Slade, preforms the song, "The Ballad of Maxwell Demon". It's extremely trippy, funny, and addicting video. I couldn't stop watching it, or just listening to it! Anyway, I really liked JRM's makeup for the video. It's just a white lid with this cute blue color on the outer V. I've tried and tried to recreate this blue with all my blues (I have blue eyes, so I try to stay away from that color), and I CAN NOT! And I'm really broke now, so I'm not going to out and find a close one to buy. I'll just start mixing my blues. And really, you can get away with the look with really any light blue, the only way you'll notice it doesn't match is if you watch the video right afterwards.
I couldn't find a good picture on google, so here's the whole video for ya :) And of course, the blush will be toned down for the actual look :)

I think that's about it for now :) I'll through in some brown eyeshadow looks, gold, cat eyes, smokey eyes. All the basic classic stuff. I can't say when I'll begin, but let's keep our fingers crossed and hope for the best!

it's time to be a big girl now

alright. pickin my self up and i'm going to stop obsessing over a certain "boy" and his new (not really) beautiful girlfriend. if it was meant to be, it would have been.
time to get over it.
so, no more sappy blog entries. no more emo, woe-is-me entries.
i  made another blog (thesegypsyfeet), honestly i made it for a scholarship (which i never ended up entering for various, stupid reasons). i thought, "Well, if they happen to mozy through my other posts, I really don't want them to think of me as a depressed, obsessive, little girl. Plus, I don't want to mention the entry to anyone I know and then they start overanalyzing my posts. 'Who is he?!' 'I didn't know about him!' 'You? A boy? Whatever!'" So, I figured, eh, I'll make a new one. So now I have two and I really don't know what to do with either.....I don't want to get rid of gyspy feet, but I'm kind of attached to this one.
SOOOO, I had this marvelous idea! Now whether or not the execution will be marvelous is yet to be known. But anyway, I love beauty. I love makeup, hair, fashion, blah blah blah. If you know me, you'd never really know that, except maybe the  makeup part. I wear tee shirts and jeans everday, and every now and then I'll wear a cardi and a scarf. I don't look like a budding fashionista at all. But I still like it :)
Hair-I have wicked curly hair, and that's about all I can do with it. But I do love braids and a good dye job :)
Makeup-It's all I do. One day I have dark, heavy eyeliner. The next it's a pink smokey eye. Then just a swipe of gold. I love it, I feel like a painter. And I can't paint so that's really special :)
I like to look at all the makeup tutorials on youtube, websites covered in outfit ideas, hairstyles, etc. and I thought, "Why can't I do that?"
So, here's goes nothing :) I'm so happy I have no followers and no one to impress :)


Oh and I'm going to warn you now, I have no recording camera (whatever you call it), I really don't know where my digital camera is, so all I really have is  a webcam and my phone.....if that's not good enough, suck it :)
Peace!

lets add insult to injury,

cuz i dont see how things can get much worse.
God, whenever you want to show up, be my guest.


Oh and Karma, do your damn job.

pffffffftuuuuuuurrrrgggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh

i wish you could just say, i'm tired of being fat, and then POOF! it's all gone.



that'd be nice :)

i quit

i have momentarily (although quite possibly permanently) quit on the one poem a day for a month thing. sorry, i just can't. maybe some will pop up here, just not gonna commit to anything, never liked commitment anyway.
so i'll just go back to blogging, i like that much better :)

guess who just had their first day of their senior year?! this kid! it's so weird, i'm almost there, 179 more days, and i'll be done. Done. Me, that tiny little kindergartener, looking up at the bus driver with eyes as big as africa, stretching my little legs up the huge steps, terrified to go to school. absolutely terrified.
now, i'm almost (and i said ALMOST) terrified to leave. Well, not necessarily to leave, but to have to go out there, alone, by myself, make choices that will, without question, impact my life forever. I've never had to do that before. From grades K-12 everything was planned out for me, I got to pick a few classes as I got older, pick some clubs, blah blah blah. Now, I have to decide on a college, pay for it, decide on a major, a job, all this stuff I have to do myself. Could I do it? Yeah, probably. But it's scary, I don't want to make the wrong choice.
It's ok to be scared of making choices i've realized, but it's not ok to not make them. I will take risks, and sometimes I'll fall flat on my face, and other times it'll be the best thing I ever did. I will make stupid and genius choices. But I won't know anything, anything, until I just close my eyes, and jump.
So here's to me, jumping :)

Cuz we never win

We  (Do)n't need your help
We (don't) have it all under control
It's (not) just a little rough right now.
It'll all be fine (I hope)
We're used to it (unfortunately)
We never (ever) win.
Prayers (don't) help
At least they (don't) seem to.
Thanks, (but no thanks).
Screw everybody.

not us

i'm
so
stupid
i torture myself
by watching them
fall in love
them
not us
them
she's beautiful
she's smart
she's funny
i'm invisible
i'm unknown
i'm creepy
i'm not her
them
not us
them
i'm a idiot
i can't shut my eyes
and turn my head
i just sit there
and watch
watch them
them
not us
them
them
with their cute little words
and cozy little memories
them, their's
not us, our's
forget
ignore and forget......
ignore them
forget them
forget the dream
that was us





oh, and i decided that i'm not going to write a poem everyday. cuz writing 3 in one entry is too much for my 17 year old burnt out brain. so, i'll just keep writing until there is a month's worth :)

te he :) i'm late again

i'm feeling very creatively challenged today....and i have to leave in a little over an hour so, don't expect this to be pablo neruda material ok?

today's :)

Just One

fall in love with the lights
confidently take the first step
listen carefully to the claps
they're all here to see us
to see what we can do
give them everything
every drop of sweat
every shaken tear
we deserve this
the crowd deserves this
we've been trained
we've been cleaned
we know exactly what to do
they only thing left
is to do it
just one time
just one chance
just one opportunity
and that's all we need


yesterday's :)

here's my little ode to Jonathon Larson. Ya know, the guy who the wrote the award winning Broadway show Rent? Yeah, kinda my favorite musical :) Sorta obsessed....anywho....

Living on shreds of hope
Always staying true
Reviving lives and dreams
Straining to hold on
Opening up old dusty windows
Never giving up

two a days :)

mondays :)

Sing to Me

sing me to sleep
with my head on your chest
sing me to sleep
even if your voice cracks
close your blue eyes
and sing to me
if the fire dies
and the music fades
sing to me


tuesdays :)

Memories

We dance across my memory
in our clashing colors
and dirty socks
No cares
just laughs
We climbed trees
and stayed up there
Our imaginations ran wild
and our hearts ran faster
I miss when everything was so big
When nothing made sense
and it didn't matter anyway
Girl scout patches
Guiltless cookie nibbles
Wind blown hair
and no one to impress
Wholesome tv shows
Letting that first kuss word slip
on purpose
Toothless grin
Yes, we dance across my memory
Oh, how we danced
Never knowing that the people
we couldn't wait to grow up to be
would look back at those dirty kids
and long to be them all over again
But they are, and always will remain
memories

a year or two ago i'd hate who i've become :)

i'm a city girl
though now
i live in the country
came here kicking and screaming
stayed here....just screaming
but now
i blast lady gaga
and jason aldean
i strut in high heels
and cowboy boots
i don studs and sequins
and flannel shirts
i am amazed by city lights
and bon fires
i dance in clubs
and in barns

i do me
i get r done


i'm calling it free verse. hey, i'm not claiming to be a poet here, i'm better at prose :)

this one's for yesterday

so, busy with a band contest with what is not technically yesterday, and i'm kinda tired so i'm just gonna write a short little haiku for my daily poem :) okie dokie smokie? good.

mister sandman please
take me to the land of dreams
sing sweet lullabies



there, and now, good night!! :)

my feet

Curled up little toes that cold April morning
Going left right left for the very first time
Dancing on my daddy's feet
Ticked by mommy's red nails
Clinging tightly to the horse's side
Running through grandpa's woods
Jumping off grandma's stairs
Stepping on tacs and toys
Splashing in the Mississippi
Walking away from everything I've ever known
Dragging through a few stubborn years
Running towards my best friends
Running away from those creepy guys
Running from getting caught
Stuffing into high heels
Stumbling up the stairs to prom
Stepping onto the stage
Dancing and playing with flags and rifles under the light
My feet have taken me everywhere,

and they plan to still take me very far

my friend challenged me....

so, i have this friend, she's probably the only person who's eyes have ever graced this page, but i'm going to write as if they haven't been. she said that she would like to see me write one poem everyday for a month, and, i can't guarantee that i will always, because my life is extremely busy right now, but i'll try :)

running out of time

My heart and my mind can never agree.
Logic and desire,
a raging battle inside of me.
I always had time,
push things off until i decided to make it all fit and rhyme.
But now i'm approaching the end,
the curtains are closing,
should i exit stage right or stage left?
I wish i could see the future,
see exactly who i'm supposed to be,
set myself free.
Too many what if's.
What if i choose wrong?
What if i don't make it?
If i settled, would i be happy?
Or at least able to fake it?
Do i follow my dreams,
or do i follow certainty?
I'm not strong enough to declare sovereignty!
Somebody, please,
tell me what to do,
tell me where to go.
They all want answers,
now now now.
But I stare blankly at them,
how how how?
How do i decide?
When every day my mind and heart divide?
So which do i follow?
My mind, which makes perfect sense,
maybe i'll get that white picket fence.
Or my heart, filled with that little child,
who's dreams are so naive and wild.
The answer is clear,
but there's still the impenetrable fear.
I could rob myself of everything I've ever wanted,
the most heinous, safest, easiest crime,
I need to choose,
and i'm running out of time.



there, it sucks. but it's there :)

i'm ready for my close up mr. demille

So, admist all these posts about how my tatt'd up prince charming fell for some other chick, I decided to put in a nice little pick-me-up :)

I MADE MY ACTING RESUME! Yes, yes I did! Complete with my ideal weight and 5 high school plays :)
I'm gonna make it happen, baby, you can count on that.

i think it's safe to say......

can you remind me why i fell for you?
cuz i really can't remember, i just know i did.
then i think about you,
in your black wife beater,
and i still don't know why exactly,
i just know i did.
and i think about,
the electic shock that would shiver through me,
if i simply grazed your arm,
but i still don't know why,
just that, i did.
i did, i do, and probably will.

terrible people

terrible people hate to see other people happy
(well, certain people, special people)
terrible people want to break up other people for their own selfish desires
(well, certain people, special people)
terrible people torture themselves by watching other people fall in love with someone else
(well, certain people, special people)
I'm sorry to those certain people, those special people, I shouldn't want you to be unhappy.
But that's not it, I want you to be happy, just not with each other.
See, that's how terrible people can be.

stop hope just stop!

I'm not crying....so I guess it's not that bad.
It just hurts. And I can't kill these stalker ways.
Constantly checking their facebooks.
That's ridiculous.
And I'm pretty sure illegal...........in some sense.
I know it's gonna hurt.
So why do I do it?
Why aren't I crying?
It hurts like hell.
It's hopeless.
It's pointless.
Hope,
Get over it.
I want you so bad.
Just a shot.
That's it.
Geez Lord can you grant me that?
It's not fair.


It's not fair at all.

i.can't.get.over.it.

Puedo escribir los versos más tristes esta noche.
Escribir, por ejemplo : 'La noche está estrellada,
y tiritan, azules, los astros, a lo lejos'.
El viento de la noche gira en el cielo y canta.
Puedo escribir los versos más tristes esta noche.
Yo la quise, y a veces ella también me quiso.
En las noches como ésta la tuve entre mis brazos.
La besé tantas veces bajo el cielo infinito.
Ella me quiso, a veces yo también la quería.
Cómo no haber amado sus grandes ojos fijos.
Puedo escribir los versos más tristes esta noche.
Pensar que no la tengo. Sentir que la he perdido.
Oir la noche immensa, más inmensa sin ella.
Y el verso cae al alma como al pasto el rocío.
Qué importa que mi amor no pudiera guardarla.
La noche está estrellada y ella no está conmigo.
Eso es todo. A lo lejos alguien canta. A lo lejos.
Mi alma no se contenta con haberla perdido.
Como para acercarla mi mirada la busca.
Mi corazón la busca, y ella no está conmigo.
La misma noche que hace blanquear los mismos arboles.
Nosotros, los de entonces, ya no somos los mismos.
Ya no la quiero, es cierto pero cuánto la quise.
Mi voz buscaba el viento para tocar su oído.
De otro. Será de otro. Como antes de mis besos.
Su voz, su cuerpo claro. Sus ojos infinitos.
Ya no la quiero, es cierto, pero tal vez la quiero.
Es tan corto al amor, y es tan largo el olvido.
Porque en noches como ésta la tuve entre mis brazos,
mi alma no se contenta con haberla perdido.
Aunque ésta sea el último dolor que ella me causa,
y éstos sean los últimos versos que yo le escribo.

-Pablo Neruda

:) or, for the english translation, go here: http://www.westal.net/hp/mint/poems/puedo.htm

the waking up is the hardest part

"When you're dreaming with a broken heart, the waking up is the hardest part."
Dear John Mayer,
Thank you for putting in harmonies exactly what I feel.

There's this is guy.....I don't know him that well, but, I really really really liked him. We had mutual friends, and I saw him from time to time.
But I thought about him all the time.
Ya see, I've always had this problem, I obsess about something, and I start dreaming, and then I get carried away. And so far, "dreams come true" hasn't worked out for me. So, I try to deter myself from dreaming about a lot of things, specifically people, specifically people I really really really like, cuz I don't wanna screw myself over.
And of course, I did, again.
Anyway, the guy. I wanted to be with him SOOOOO bad, so bad! And I kept thinking I was getting closer and closer. And I'll admit, I was teetering on the edge of stalker :) But hey, he's really cute.....and he's that mysterious, broken guy every girl wants to understand and nuture. So you see I was easily swooned.
But, all of a sudden, (I'm going to warn you now, facebook ruins lives), he changed his status to "in a relationship". I crumbled. My eyes filled with tears, my heart dropped. I practically ran to my shower, got in, and underneath the water bashed myself for being to freakin stupid....I may have used other words...may have :) I cried and complained to God, asked why, why was this happening? Why now when I was so close? Why was I stupid enough to think a guy that barely knew me, and barely's pushing it, would randomly walk into my life and we'd live out my fairy tale? Oh I know why, cuz I am that stupid.
So, I've gotten better, I've cried more...especially when I found out who she was. When I charged up my iPod just so I had to something to sob to.
So I've decided to give myself a week. Next Tuesday, I need to move on. I mean it's not like he's married or anything, I still have a chance :) And as dangerous as this might be, I'm holding on to that.
I'm letting go of the pain, but not him.
Not yet.

In Honor of my Last Day of Being Sixteen.....

I think it's appropriate to shine a light on a few specific things that's made it one heck of a year!

• Joining Damsels! Winning 4th place at State Fair! (even though we deserf
• Drama Club (always!)
• A thirty-something year old guy working at a resturant giving me his number as I was paying....and then texting him later telling him I was only 16, and never hearing back from him. And then only to find out later that my friend knows him....and he's got a family. Niceee.
• Going to the best school dances EVER!
• Seeing all my cousins in one place for the first time in like 6 or 7 years! (Not under the best circumstances though....but still)
• Riding a motorcycle for the first time!
• Seeing my dad get held up outside my grandparent's house...wait, were these supposed to be good things? Well, still interesting.
• Learning I don't have to be anybody specific, I don't have to fit in a box. I have many different sides, and it's perfectly ok to be one side one day, and another side another day, and eventually someone will be able to deal with my many different facets :)
• I stopped caring about a lot of things that don't matter or that I can't change.
• Seeing people for who they truly are, and now feeling up to the challenge to do something about it.
• Becoming more confident...still got a ways to go though
• Being more honest with myself
• Going on my first interview, although it was cut short when they found out I wasn't 18...talk about embarrassing.
• Learning to relish every second of my lucky lucky life
• Being The Crow for Jordyn's Halloween themed birthday party :)
• Meeting new people, new friends, and being more outgoing
• Learning how much I really do love my entire family
• Going out with my friends more, and having fun!
• Actually making an effort to reach my goals, instead of just talking about them
• Working at Lucas Oil Stadium for 14 hours straight (oooohhh myyy Goddd!)
• Learning that I can, and one day soon will be completely content and happy with my life, because it IS good. It's not perfect and the sun doesn't shine all the time, but I'm very lucky.
• Vowing to l.i.v.e every single day of my life, because they're all gifts from God, thanks buddy :)
• And of course, continuing to dream. dance. sing. smile. and laugh. and i won't stop. ever.

things made so much more sense yesterday.

So, I posted not too long ago my whole view on religions, and how (in my opinion) they are corrupt, controlling, hypocritical, and judgmental.....ok, maybe i was a bit more vague :)
But, I have a friend, well actually I have a few, who's quite religious. Let's call her Stephanie. And I swear to you, that is not her real name.
Stephanie has had some problems, not huge life altering problems, but she's had some. Everybody has, so, that's nothing different. And she's very involved in her church. She is now anyway. Steph flip flops a lot, when things are going good in her life, she goes to church all the time, she loves God, blah blah blah. But then things go bad, not-so-perfect, her pastor makes a weird comment or something like that, and she walks away from God. She doesn't even know if there is a God, she stops attending church, screw all that crap basically. And it irritates the crap out of me, she can flip flop all she wants, fine, it's her life. But when you use God at your own convenience, and then passive aggressively tell me what my problems are and that I am in dire need of being saved, and I'm going to go to hell, then I have a problem. Then you need to shut your (my mom might find this blog-bite your tongue Hope)ing mouth.

And that's not all, its the way she has not respect for other religions, especially Muslims. She's never met a freakin Muslim in her life! I've had lots of friends who were Muslims. My house never got bombed, they never told me my beliefs were wrong, they never tried to convert me, they never shunned me, they were smart, they were nice, their families were nice, they were good, NORMAL, people. But no, because they're different, because they don't read HER bible, because there were some extremists who were also of the Muslim faith, she hates them. I hate that. I hate it! She doesn't not think for herself at all. She listens to whatever her pastor says, whatever her mommy says, think for your freakin self woman, if you're even mature enough to be called that. 

I don't know what to do. We're nothing alike anymore. This religion thing has completely engulfed her, and that's not me, that's not me at all. I believe in God, I do, but I don't believe in specific religions, and I like having intellectual conversations about him, and the after life, reincarnation, things like that, not having someone relay their Pastor's preachings on to me. I know what his ideas are, I wanna hear your's! Can you comprehend that notion? Or do you need mommy to instruct you.
We've been getting into little tiffs more and more recently. I really don't know what to do. We've been friends for like 5 years, I've always been there for her. We used to share the same dreams of getting out of this town and becoming famous actresses. I still dream of my name in lights, but she's perfectly ok with staying in this rundown, heroin crazed town and becoming a nurse. And it's cuz she's scared, she's too scared to leave. We used to hang out, all the time. But she won't now, too many church things going on, her mother doesn't like a certain club, so she won't even consider stepping foot in there, God wouldn't like it.
I'm not asking her to change, if she likes the way she is now, fine, I'm glad she's happy. I am, really. I'm glad she's happy with what her life is, but I don't know if I can continue to be a part of it anymore, at least not a big part. We don't mesh anymore. I'm not going to be bestest friends with someone who thinks I'm going to hell because I don't attend her church, who is constantly nagging me to go to her church with her not for me, but to kill her Christian guilt that if I die unsaved, it's all her fault. I'm not going to sit around all pretty and listen to her bash other religions and races when she knows nothing about anything different from her way of life.
She told me awhile ago that someone in her church said, "You know Stephanie, you will lose friends over this." And I always said to myself, I won't. I won't leave her. I'll be strong, for her. She falls down a lot, and I'm always there to pick up back up, but I'm tired of it. I'm tired of always being strong for her, when she's never strong for me, when she doesn't believe in me, when she doesn't care about me because she's so wrapped up in her own pathetic-not-that-bad-so-suck-it-up-and-get-over-it-you're-problems-are-no-worse-then-anyone-else's life. I said I wouldn't leave her, because I hated it when people left me, and they always did. But I can't do this. I can't. And I feel horrible because I don't want to hurt her, but I don't like who she's become, and I never really liked who she used to be very much, but I dealt with it, and focused on the good things about her. But they're getting harder and harder to find, maybe it's all the anger covering up my eyes, obviously there's a lot more then just the religious thing. But I don't know what I'm gonna do, I know what I have to do, if that's even what I really have to do. I'm not sure anymore, nothing really makes sense.
But I won't lie, I'm scared of what will happen if we do drift apart, well, more than now, more noticeable to other people. Will she drag everyone else away too? Will they go with her and leave me? Then what?
But fine. I'll deal, I've dealt with other stuff alone, I can deal with this too. I'm not going to let her spread her hate, stupidity (I'll give her some credit and call it ignorance instead) and fear. I'm not.
"You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something in your life."