But, I have a friend, well actually I have a few, who's quite religious. Let's call her Stephanie. And I swear to you, that is not her real name.
Stephanie has had some problems, not huge life altering problems, but she's had some. Everybody has, so, that's nothing different. And she's very involved in her church. She is now anyway. Steph flip flops a lot, when things are going good in her life, she goes to church all the time, she loves God, blah blah blah. But then things go bad, not-so-perfect, her pastor makes a weird comment or something like that, and she walks away from God. She doesn't even know if there is a God, she stops attending church, screw all that crap basically. And it irritates the crap out of me, she can flip flop all she wants, fine, it's her life. But when you use God at your own convenience, and then passive aggressively tell me what my problems are and that I am in dire need of being saved, and I'm going to go to hell, then I have a problem. Then you need to shut your (my mom might find this blog-bite your tongue Hope)ing mouth.
And that's not all, its the way she has not respect for other religions, especially Muslims. She's never met a freakin Muslim in her life! I've had lots of friends who were Muslims. My house never got bombed, they never told me my beliefs were wrong, they never tried to convert me, they never shunned me, they were smart, they were nice, their families were nice, they were good, NORMAL, people. But no, because they're different, because they don't read HER bible, because there were some extremists who were also of the Muslim faith, she hates them. I hate that. I hate it! She doesn't not think for herself at all. She listens to whatever her pastor says, whatever her mommy says, think for your freakin self woman, if you're even mature enough to be called that.
I don't know what to do. We're nothing alike anymore. This religion thing has completely engulfed her, and that's not me, that's not me at all. I believe in God, I do, but I don't believe in specific religions, and I like having intellectual conversations about him, and the after life, reincarnation, things like that, not having someone relay their Pastor's preachings on to me. I know what his ideas are, I wanna hear your's! Can you comprehend that notion? Or do you need mommy to instruct you.We've been getting into little tiffs more and more recently. I really don't know what to do. We've been friends for like 5 years, I've always been there for her. We used to share the same dreams of getting out of this town and becoming famous actresses. I still dream of my name in lights, but she's perfectly ok with staying in this rundown, heroin crazed town and becoming a nurse. And it's cuz she's scared, she's too scared to leave. We used to hang out, all the time. But she won't now, too many church things going on, her mother doesn't like a certain club, so she won't even consider stepping foot in there, God wouldn't like it.
I'm not asking her to change, if she likes the way she is now, fine, I'm glad she's happy. I am, really. I'm glad she's happy with what her life is, but I don't know if I can continue to be a part of it anymore, at least not a big part. We don't mesh anymore. I'm not going to be bestest friends with someone who thinks I'm going to hell because I don't attend her church, who is constantly nagging me to go to her church with her not for me, but to kill her Christian guilt that if I die unsaved, it's all her fault. I'm not going to sit around all pretty and listen to her bash other religions and races when she knows nothing about anything different from her way of life.
She told me awhile ago that someone in her church said, "You know Stephanie, you will lose friends over this." And I always said to myself, I won't. I won't leave her. I'll be strong, for her. She falls down a lot, and I'm always there to pick up back up, but I'm tired of it. I'm tired of always being strong for her, when she's never strong for me, when she doesn't believe in me, when she doesn't care about me because she's so wrapped up in her own pathetic-not-that-bad-so-suck-it-up-and-get-over-it-you're-problems-are-no-worse-then-anyone-else's life. I said I wouldn't leave her, because I hated it when people left me, and they always did. But I can't do this. I can't. And I feel horrible because I don't want to hurt her, but I don't like who she's become, and I never really liked who she used to be very much, but I dealt with it, and focused on the good things about her. But they're getting harder and harder to find, maybe it's all the anger covering up my eyes, obviously there's a lot more then just the religious thing. But I don't know what I'm gonna do, I know what I have to do, if that's even what I really have to do. I'm not sure anymore, nothing really makes sense.
But I won't lie, I'm scared of what will happen if we do drift apart, well, more than now, more noticeable to other people. Will she drag everyone else away too? Will they go with her and leave me? Then what?
But fine. I'll deal, I've dealt with other stuff alone, I can deal with this too. I'm not going to let her spread her hate, stupidity (I'll give her some credit and call it ignorance instead) and fear. I'm not.
"You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something in your life."
