the waking up is the hardest part

"When you're dreaming with a broken heart, the waking up is the hardest part."
Dear John Mayer,
Thank you for putting in harmonies exactly what I feel.

There's this is guy.....I don't know him that well, but, I really really really liked him. We had mutual friends, and I saw him from time to time.
But I thought about him all the time.
Ya see, I've always had this problem, I obsess about something, and I start dreaming, and then I get carried away. And so far, "dreams come true" hasn't worked out for me. So, I try to deter myself from dreaming about a lot of things, specifically people, specifically people I really really really like, cuz I don't wanna screw myself over.
And of course, I did, again.
Anyway, the guy. I wanted to be with him SOOOOO bad, so bad! And I kept thinking I was getting closer and closer. And I'll admit, I was teetering on the edge of stalker :) But hey, he's really cute.....and he's that mysterious, broken guy every girl wants to understand and nuture. So you see I was easily swooned.
But, all of a sudden, (I'm going to warn you now, facebook ruins lives), he changed his status to "in a relationship". I crumbled. My eyes filled with tears, my heart dropped. I practically ran to my shower, got in, and underneath the water bashed myself for being to freakin stupid....I may have used other words...may have :) I cried and complained to God, asked why, why was this happening? Why now when I was so close? Why was I stupid enough to think a guy that barely knew me, and barely's pushing it, would randomly walk into my life and we'd live out my fairy tale? Oh I know why, cuz I am that stupid.
So, I've gotten better, I've cried more...especially when I found out who she was. When I charged up my iPod just so I had to something to sob to.
So I've decided to give myself a week. Next Tuesday, I need to move on. I mean it's not like he's married or anything, I still have a chance :) And as dangerous as this might be, I'm holding on to that.
I'm letting go of the pain, but not him.
Not yet.